From set, I went home, got ready, and headed to The Belasco to meet up w/ TK, Melissa & Saraanne to rock out the Valentines day show. Damn I love watching those girls dance. Here is a link of all of the pictures of the event taken by the lovely Collin-Young-Wolff!

http://www.laweekly.com/slideshow/kcrws-heartbreakers-hideaway-36145215/

Burlesque is subjective, but in my eyes it is all in the music, and all in the performer. Music first because that helps create the story, engage the audience. Make them sit at the edge of their seats or whip out their iphone and take a picture. To get toes tapping, slight head nods, and giggles from the audience – I am victorious. Anything else- and I never use the song again. The brilliant thing about choreographing is that – you are not ALWAYS on point. Maybe us artists are all just self depracating folk, but I have sat in my own Lalas shows and have said – AHHHHH, shit. That doesn’t work. I hate it. I’m never using it again. And that is OK – b/c atleast I’m branching out – always pushing some sort of envelope. Atleast I’m not recycling the same show over and over again. There is nothing wrong with it – lots of groups do it – and I do it with some #s. But whole shows? IT just ain’t me.

That leaves me to – what songs will I ALWAYS want to use, and NEVER tire from. Take it from me, I like The Lalas performing once a month, it gives me time to make this shit up, BUT – there are some solos I could just have The Lalas perform over and over and over and over again. And I will never tire. I don’t care if it sounds like I’m a dance mom and these are my babies on stage. The shit is rad.

Here are my top ten bitching awesome rocking amazing burlesque songs that I have on CONSTANT rotation even when I’m working on non-Lalas projects.

1. Colleen, The Heavy
2. I Can’t Quit You Baby – Led Zeppelin
3. 60 Feet Tall- The Dead Weather
4. What I’d Say – Ray Charles
5. I Just Want to Make Love to You – Muddy Waters
6. Nice Tits no Tats – Big Willie’s
7. Sway – Rosemary Clooney
8. Summertime – Janis
9. Down in The Hole – Tom Waits
10. New Dog Blues – The Flying Neutrinos

Listen to them, love them and create your own. Lord knows I do!

Back to this show next week. Skinny’s, Friday the 27th, 2012. 8:30pm – ONE big fat f-in burlesque show with an intermission. More details on our gigs page. Follow us on @lalasburlesque, general admission ticket giveaways happening today!

SO – of those 41 shows, and the endless hours I have spent on my baby, I have accumulated just a “Top Ten Reason to see The Lalas in 2012″ list. Ripping it straight off Letterman. So without further ado, here are some magical moments bloopers shout outs call outs and more awesome-ness that goes on behind the scenes from this past year that will be sure to get your ass in a seat next year, cheering at a Lalas show.

10. Golden Globes Private event: ROCKING the red carpet, The Lalas’ Erika, Chant, and Kelley were on the red carpet getting lots and lots of attention – when a less than A list celebrities’ publicist got jealous b/c her client wasn’t getting enough love – and shooed us off the red carpet. No really, shoved us, hand in the back pushing us spewing that our time was up. THEN, the photographers were yelling “over here Lalas over here Lalas” – and all I could do is giggle because well – Have you seen Erika Chantel and Kelley? It only made them pose even more. It was brilliant.

9. Pin Ups for Vets – One of the charity events we did this past year was for this EXCELLENT organization. I love the cause, we had Camille, Melissa, Eve, and Baby J rocking out at this one! Check out this little teaser from the event:

8. Another charity event! We were asked to perform at The Highlands in Hollywood for Jenny McCarthy’s charity Generation Rescue. I remember this is one i could NOT be at – I was out of town on another gig, but thank goodness I have my little angel of a videographer Marti to slice and dice this BADBOY of a clip! It just makes me want to touch Camille’s hair, stare at Reyna, and ogle at Melissa with a little grin cause she’s just so damn cute.

7. Receiving my first check from Hustler Hollywood for selling my burlesque couture in over EIGHT of their stores nationwide. And yes, the check was a biggie!!! Didn’t know that I hand make some fine burlesque couture? Check ‘er out on the store page people.

6. YELP! I love me some yelp, and Melissa, Camille, and Donna rocked out this PACKED house at Exchange LA. I mean, could I feel any prouder? Here is another lil clip:

5. I’m putting this one smack in the middle. Um – CSI:NY. I really can’t believe that I booked it – being a behind the scenes kind of girl. BUT – I did, and it was awesome and my name was Crystal – AND Gary Sinise saved my life. You can also see Saraanne kicking it as hussy “Mercedes”. Clip is on our “video” page!

4. FOUNDATION ROOM. Holy shit I love this venue. What says sexy better than a dimly lit room up 3 flights of stairs off Sunset? So, the plan was for Donna and Clarissa (FIRST TIMER!) to rock out their solos on the bar, and THEN – procede to the designated “stage” area in front of the DJ to do the really dancey full out group number. Well, for some frickin reason those two decide to do the full out group # on that narrow ass bar. I was watching, yelled a few times, waved my arm like a stage mom to get their asses down so they could do all those fast little kicks in the #. Because let’s face it – those 2 are damn good dancers, BUT – I figured they would either a. fall in to the crowd. b. fall back in to a bartender. OR there was c. which happened. I am not sure if you have ever BEEN to the Foundation Room, but the ceiling looks like sharp pointy little stalagmites (stalagtites? oh god 7th grade science) No really, look up. They are all over the place. The only casualty really was Clarissa’s forehead when it connected with a bat cave stalagtite – just a little blood and a little scratch from the incident, who says burlesque isn’t dangerous?

3. Lala Saraanne getting her butt cheeks airbrushed for the first time. She called me giggling. Here is the story. Saraanne goes over to airbrusher’s house. She drops trou. By the way, the airbrusher is a straight little cutie pie of a guy. So she meets him for the first time, shakes his hand, drops her pants – down to a cute little G – and, well, he writes Lalas on her ass. It’s kind of classic.

2. I HAVE to tell you this one. The Room. Hollywood. Can’t see the hand in front of your face. I LOVED having The Lalas perform at this place. Kind of tricky with no stage and all, but we made one – and definitely made it work. So one of my favorite things to do for the shows is to think of shenanigans, songs, and costumes for the girls’ solos. Well, both Tonya Kay and I being from Michigan – TK wanted to do a little fire in her act, and I wanted to do a little Kid Rock. So we both made it happen. The whole first minute of the show is instrumental. She wears this jean belt skirt with two zippos, and walks out with a funny cigarette. Without giving away too much of what happened, and yes TK is all in one piece – basically she had to “put herself out.” aka – she was on fire and had to pull her costume on her. BUT – what she did after is the meat and potatoes of the story. If you weren’t in the crowd – by god – you missed a good one. I’m shit grinned as I type it because what can I say? That girl is a PERFORMER above anything else!!!!

1. Gotta end with a bang, and that bang is the holiday show. This show bankrupts me, stresses me out, causes me to body slam my sewing machine and stress over if I have enough red green and silver shit. BUT – I love it. Everything from Melissa’s big ole onesy, to TK passing out fireworks, cigarrettes and other unmentionables out of her “santa bag.” What says Holiday better than tequila shots, holiday bras, and bowed underwear?
If you haven’t seen the show, here is a quickie:

SO there you have it! If you aren’t a guaranteed burlesque lover, fan, empowered woman, or dead – then I’ll see you next year. Follow us around – even when we get big and famous – we still won’t be deushy. promise. @lalasburlesque – www.facebook.com/thelalasburlesque

I even took a gander back,as The Lalas are about 2 years old – and at this time back in 2009 we had our first”holiday show”.
Even though it was a short time ago, I remember how worried and stressed I was about making everything look right. Compared to what I currently have – those
costumes barely light a candle.  Let’s be honest – Baby J dressing up as an asian Elvis? Hilarious.  But I recall the girls wearing
their own bras (they could barely rub a rhinestone together on those bad boys) The Lalas have come a long way, and it is something to be very very grateful for to say the least.

I’m not going to lie – atleast 25 times this past week, I’ve asked myself why I work so hard.  Why the &*( do I pine over costumes, agonize over red/silver or green sequins?
Buy a crapload of music-and do it all over again day in and day out?  Shamelessly promote and think of new ways to market? Why don’t I just stop working at 6 or 7pm like a normal person?What about my other career – what about my choreography outside of The Lalas?  As I sat in traffic driving up to Hollywood multiple times,
sitting on the 110 on the way to the fashion district with tears brimming over my eyes – frustrated as shit that I don’t get the Prius carpool lane anymore – I ask myself these questions.
Would the girls even miss The Lalas if I canned it? IF i stopped trying so hard would the work magically come to me?

The answers to all of those questions is probably yes.  But I’ll tell you this.  Whenever I feel like I just want to throw my hands up and quit – or even worse -move to HOllywood so atleast I’ll be damn closer
to rehearsal studios – I get that feeling in the bottom bottom bottom of my gut, that this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.  The Lalas will be (oh god, I’m comparing just because I love her business model)
the next better and beyond Pussycat Dolls.  We will have a pimp Vegas show that is underground only a few times a week speakeasy style where people will walk down into a dark dingy space and be
wowed and awed and taken back to what dance, and talent, and true entertainment is.  No floating stages or crapped out huge production numbers.  Real. Raw Burlesque. Dance.

The Lalas will be a brand.  And on top of it -I guess I need to find the spare hours
in my work day to fulfill the other choreography goals I have.  To be choreographing spoofs for sitcoms, work with actors, hire dancers whom have been loyal and amazing to me – and make my choreography look AMAZING.
Because I tell ya – it is my turn.  And as I get all self righteous on your ass I gain steam and realize, maybe I just need to take a nap or sip a cocktail.  Because I’m no damn quitter and I will not
rest until this shit has blown up all over the place, and then – maybe just then – I’ll take the day off without my blackberry by my side.  Just maybe.

Oh – and if you didn’t see the holiday show? Check her out. She is on the next page:

http://www.thelalas.com/videos – AND -pics coming soon from the amazing Robert Campbell.

Lastly, a shout out to Lalas : TK, Saraanne, Melissa, and Reyna- you fucking rocked out the holiday show.  I love you.  You’re pretty.  And thank you.

xo

E

Let’s face it – everything has been done before – for the most part.  But there is a reason why there are music ICONS – and i’m not talking Rihanna or Katy Perry people.  I’m talking Janet and as much as I don’t dig her – I’ve got to give it to her: Madonna – Christina Aguilera when she FIRST came out.  Brittney when she FIRST came out…..  It seems now in 2011 – If you are going to be an all around pop artist does that mean you have a pissing match on who has the most insane costumes, 7 inch heels a tranny couldn’t walk in, or a costume with lights and smoke coming out of the ass?

What happened to the artist just singing.  Sure – i’ll even take “live to track”.  What happened to choreography that didn’t rely on $500 costumes and lights and props and other shit?  What about the artist just performing singing their damn asses off, and the dancers being an extension of the artist – and having the choreography ENHANCE the performance experience – instead of relying on your production manager to get the biggest pyro and tricks to deter from the performance? Even MJ before he passed – he still stuck to that even though his budget was ridiculous.  It was always about the peformance, the details in the choreography, the staging, the musical innuendos – NOT everything but the performance.  I never heard him say “OHHH, yeah, pyro needs to be on 7 – and don’t forget to blow up the stage and have me fly in on a cable from the back of staples center.  THAT will really get em.”

Deep deep down in my heart, even as a choreographer that will one day own and rule the world – this does not come from a place of jealousy.  Choreographing for artists primarily is not where my heart lies.  What i can tell you is that i’m not inspired.  I look at what is done now a days, and the last time I remember i was truly touched and inspired was with Pink’s aerial performance for an award show i can’t remember the name of .  I just knew that a.  she sang LIVE  b.  she couldn’t fake learning silks and it is a TRUE talent and very hard thing to learn and c.  it was a one of the kind, simple, beautiful performance.

I remember being 13 and watching Janet Jackson.  I remember saying with my perm, mc hammer pants and uni-brow – THAT is exactly what i want to do.  THAT is where i want to be – on stage with an artist that is truly inspiring.  When is the last time i said that? I honestly can’t remember – and no – that is not because i’m getting old.  What are 13 year olds saying now a days in their Uggs and jeggings? “Man i can’t wait to dance like a ho and freestyle among all those cool looking LED screens while the artist lip syncs and dresses like a piece of stereo equipment!”

I just can’t stand the shit music that is out these days.  It’s dull and i just don’t have the strength to watch it because i know that it will be NOTHING compared to the likes of this video:

Janet – 1993 VMA\’s

PS -  do you see one rhinestone / one sexy robot onesy with silver platform heels? I didn’t think so.

Remember your ROOTS people.

THEN, we performed for the first time – fully over the hill – into North Hollywood at SKinny’s! I loved this venue. The crowd was so handsome, people were boozing, we had a birthday boy on stage, did some tequila, had some new acts, and DEFINITELY had some costumes. I am so f-in exhausted even before the show starts, sometimes i think to myself how am I going to make it. I uttered the phrase “why do i work so damn hard” a few times last week. Not because I feel unappreciated, not because of The Lalas itself. I just want to catapult full force into fame and love and a shitload of money – for my girls. The Lalas are a sisterhood to me, bitches i never knew until 2 years ago, have such a large impact on my life now. I want to make them rich dancers. I want to get them paid what they deserve. I know that persistence is key, but sometimes it is just so damn exhausting. Either way, the show went without a hitch and i was left like any good choreographer feels – with the chills – and fired up for the next gig.

I’m so grateful and every stitch, every glue gun burn, every damn trip down to the fashion district stuck on the 110 is worth it. Because i looked out into the crowd last friday on 11.11.11 and i saw a bunch of dressed up bitching cool looking people all having cocktails and whistling, and hooting and hollering at my girls to take it off. I have the coolest job in the world, and i couldn’t be prouder of the show taht took place last weekend. ON to the next one!

In case you missed the show, here is our trailor . Be sure to follow The Lalas around LA on FB: facebook.com/thelalasburlesque – and twitter @lalasburlesque

I love you Clarissa, Saraanne, TK, Melissa and Camille! Thank you for your time last week and for having such nice boobs and asses, because my costumes looked SPECTACULAR on you