This past week, I choreographed a little spoof for The People’s Choice Awards with Neil Patrick Harris and Kaley Cuoco. I LOVE working on live TV, I love comedy, and I love my job. what more can I say?
Also, check out THE LALAS’ very own Saraanne and Tonya Kay as they join in on the shenanigans.
Holy shit what a year. As I slowly begin to decline the hustling hours the closer the 25th gets, I started thinking how much The Lalas have accomplished this year. No really. The Lalas have racked up a total of 41 shows this year. We are talking public shows, private events, parties, you name it. I really can’t believe that number and know that I’m missing a few (no I have not spiked my eggnog with yummy delicious Jameson – yet) But I really can’t remember all of them. I’m sure my accountant will.
SO – of those 41 shows, and the endless hours I have spent on my baby, I have accumulated just a “Top Ten Reason to see The Lalas in 2012″ list. Ripping it straight off Letterman. So without further ado, here are some magical moments bloopers shout outs call outs and more awesome-ness that goes on behind the scenes from this past year that will be sure to get your ass in a seat next year, cheering at a Lalas show.
10. Golden Globes Private event: ROCKING the red carpet, The Lalas’ Erika, Chant, and Kelley were on the red carpet getting lots and lots of attention – when a less than A list celebrities’ publicist got jealous b/c her client wasn’t getting enough love – and shooed us off the red carpet. No really, shoved us, hand in the back pushing us spewing that our time was up. THEN, the photographers were yelling “over here Lalas over here Lalas” – and all I could do is giggle because well – Have you seen Erika Chantel and Kelley? 
It only made them pose even more. It was brilliant.
9. Pin Ups for Vets – One of the charity events we did this past year was for this EXCELLENT organization. I love the cause, we had Camille, Melissa, Eve, and Baby J rocking out at this one! Check out this little teaser from the event:
8. Another charity event! We were asked to perform at The Highlands in Hollywood for Jenny McCarthy’s charity Generation Rescue. I remember this is one i could NOT be at – I was out of town on another gig, but thank goodness I have my little angel of a videographer Marti to slice and dice this BADBOY of a clip! It just makes me want to touch Camille’s hair, stare at Reyna, and ogle at Melissa with a little grin cause she’s just so damn cute.
7. Receiving my first check from Hustler Hollywood for selling my burlesque couture in over EIGHT of their stores nationwide. And yes, the check was a biggie!!! Didn’t know that I hand make some fine burlesque couture? Check ‘er out on the store page people.
6. YELP! I love me some yelp, and Melissa, Camille, and Donna rocked out this PACKED house at Exchange LA. I mean, could I feel any prouder? Here is another lil clip:
5. I’m putting this one smack in the middle. Um – CSI:NY. I really can’t believe that I booked it – being a behind the scenes kind of girl. BUT – I did, and it was awesome and my name was Crystal – AND Gary Sinise saved my life. You can also see Saraanne kicking it as hussy “Mercedes”. Clip is on our “video” page!
4. FOUNDATION ROOM. Holy shit I love this venue. What says sexy better than a dimly lit room up 3 flights of stairs off Sunset? So, the plan was for Donna and Clarissa (FIRST TIMER!) to rock out their solos on the bar, and THEN – procede to the designated “stage” area in front of the DJ to do the really dancey full out group number. Well, for some frickin reason those two decide to do the full out group # on that narrow ass bar. I was watching, yelled a few times, waved my arm like a stage mom to get their asses down so they could do all those fast little kicks in the #. Because let’s face it – those 2 are damn good dancers, BUT – I figured they would either a. fall in to the crowd. b. fall back in to a bartender. OR there was c. which happened. I am not sure if you have ever BEEN to the Foundation Room, but the ceiling looks like sharp pointy little stalagmites (stalagtites? oh god 7th grade science) No really, look up. They are all over the place. The only casualty really was Clarissa’s forehead when it connected with a bat cave stalagtite – just a little blood and a little scratch from the incident, who says burlesque isn’t dangerous?
3. Lala Saraanne getting her butt cheeks airbrushed for the first time. She called me giggling. Here is the story. Saraanne goes over to airbrusher’s house. She drops trou. By the way, the airbrusher is a straight little cutie pie of a guy. So she meets him for the first time, shakes his hand, drops her pants – down to a cute little G – and, well, he writes Lalas on her ass. It’s kind of classic.
2. I HAVE to tell you this one. The Room. Hollywood. Can’t see the hand in front of your face. I LOVED having The Lalas perform at this place. Kind of tricky with no stage and all, but we made one – and definitely made it work. So one of my favorite things to do for the shows is to think of shenanigans, songs, and costumes for the girls’ solos. Well, both Tonya Kay and I being from Michigan – TK wanted to do a little fire in her act, and I wanted to do a little Kid Rock. So we both made it happen. The whole first minute of the show is instrumental. She wears this jean belt skirt with two zippos, and walks out with a funny cigarette. Without giving away too much of what happened, and yes TK is all in one piece – basically she had to “put herself out.” aka – she was on fire and had to pull her costume on her. BUT – what she did after is the meat and potatoes of the story. If you weren’t in the crowd – by god – you missed a good one. I’m shit grinned as I type it because what can I say? That girl is a PERFORMER above anything else!!!!
1. Gotta end with a bang, and that bang is the holiday show. This show bankrupts me, stresses me out, causes me to body slam my sewing machine and stress over if I have enough red green and silver shit. BUT – I love it. Everything from Melissa’s big ole onesy, to TK passing out fireworks, cigarrettes and other unmentionables out of her “santa bag.” What says Holiday better than tequila shots, holiday bras, and bowed underwear?
If you haven’t seen the show, here is a quickie:
SO there you have it! If you aren’t a guaranteed burlesque lover, fan, empowered woman, or dead – then I’ll see you next year. Follow us around – even when we get big and famous – we still won’t be deushy. promise. @lalasburlesque – www.facebook.com/thelalasburlesque
TweetLast night was AWESOME! 6 Lalas back together Erika (back from Ricky Martin Tour) Ashley (back from Katy Perry Tour) – and to top it all off, Reyna, Chantie, Saraanne and Melissa. It was a blast, check out the little holiday teaser I just cut. It was amazing performing at The Supper Club and taking over that dance floor! To Follow The Lalas around LA: @lalasburlesque, www.facebook.com/thelalasburlesque
TweetDamn, what a week. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired, and I type this remotely as I’m about to walk into a rehearsal for A Lalas show on Tuesday at The SupperClub in Hollywood.
Ah, fame has such a price.lol. But seriously, this week was a doozy. It is my goal for each and every show to be one of a kind, funny, quirky, weird – and most importantly -jaw dropping.
I pour a little bit more of myself into the holiday show (the one we just had last night) because- well, I f-in love Christmas and the music that comes along with it.
The costumes were a knock outlast night with my favorites including jingle bell nipples, bow present undies, and the fringe skirts. AH the fringe skirts!
I even took a gander back,as The Lalas are about 2 years old – and at this time back in 2009 we had our first”holiday show”.
Even though it was a short time ago, I remember how worried and stressed I was about making everything look right. Compared to what I currently have – those
costumes barely light a candle. Let’s be honest – Baby J dressing up as an asian Elvis? Hilarious. But I recall the girls wearing
their own bras (they could barely rub a rhinestone together on those bad boys) The Lalas have come a long way, and it is something to be very very grateful for to say the least.
I’m not going to lie – atleast 25 times this past week, I’ve asked myself why I work so hard. Why the &*( do I pine over costumes, agonize over red/silver or green sequins?
Buy a crapload of music-and do it all over again day in and day out? Shamelessly promote and think of new ways to market? Why don’t I just stop working at 6 or 7pm like a normal person?What about my other career – what about my choreography outside of The Lalas? As I sat in traffic driving up to Hollywood multiple times,
sitting on the 110 on the way to the fashion district with tears brimming over my eyes – frustrated as shit that I don’t get the Prius carpool lane anymore – I ask myself these questions.
Would the girls even miss The Lalas if I canned it? IF i stopped trying so hard would the work magically come to me?
The answers to all of those questions is probably yes. But I’ll tell you this. Whenever I feel like I just want to throw my hands up and quit – or even worse -move to HOllywood so atleast I’ll be damn closer
to rehearsal studios – I get that feeling in the bottom bottom bottom of my gut, that this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. The Lalas will be (oh god, I’m comparing just because I love her business model)
the next better and beyond Pussycat Dolls. We will have a pimp Vegas show that is underground only a few times a week speakeasy style where people will walk down into a dark dingy space and be
wowed and awed and taken back to what dance, and talent, and true entertainment is. No floating stages or crapped out huge production numbers. Real. Raw Burlesque. Dance.
The Lalas will be a brand. And on top of it -I guess I need to find the spare hours
in my work day to fulfill the other choreography goals I have. To be choreographing spoofs for sitcoms, work with actors, hire dancers whom have been loyal and amazing to me – and make my choreography look AMAZING.
Because I tell ya – it is my turn. And as I get all self righteous on your ass I gain steam and realize, maybe I just need to take a nap or sip a cocktail. Because I’m no damn quitter and I will not
rest until this shit has blown up all over the place, and then – maybe just then – I’ll take the day off without my blackberry by my side. Just maybe.
Oh – and if you didn’t see the holiday show? Check her out. She is on the next page:
http://www.thelalas.com/videos – AND -pics coming soon from the amazing Robert Campbell.
Lastly, a shout out to Lalas : TK, Saraanne, Melissa, and Reyna- you fucking rocked out the holiday show. I love you. You’re pretty. And thank you.
xo
E
TweetI might be giving up my age on this one. But here is the scoop – I watched one musical act from the AMA’s last night and hot damn- i was so blinded by the smoke and mirrors, LEDs, Costumes and fluff that was going on on stage – i didn’t even pay attention to the artist, her voice – or lack there of (thank god for lip syncing, i mean where would we be today?). Even my husband said half way through the performance – “What is this shit?”
Let’s face it – everything has been done before – for the most part. But there is a reason why there are music ICONS – and i’m not talking Rihanna or Katy Perry people. I’m talking Janet and as much as I don’t dig her – I’ve got to give it to her: Madonna – Christina Aguilera when she FIRST came out. Brittney when she FIRST came out….. It seems now in 2011 – If you are going to be an all around pop artist does that mean you have a pissing match on who has the most insane costumes, 7 inch heels a tranny couldn’t walk in, or a costume with lights and smoke coming out of the ass?
What happened to the artist just singing. Sure – i’ll even take “live to track”. What happened to choreography that didn’t rely on $500 costumes and lights and props and other shit? What about the artist just performing singing their damn asses off, and the dancers being an extension of the artist – and having the choreography ENHANCE the performance experience – instead of relying on your production manager to get the biggest pyro and tricks to deter from the performance? Even MJ before he passed – he still stuck to that even though his budget was ridiculous. It was always about the peformance, the details in the choreography, the staging, the musical innuendos – NOT everything but the performance. I never heard him say “OHHH, yeah, pyro needs to be on 7 – and don’t forget to blow up the stage and have me fly in on a cable from the back of staples center. THAT will really get em.”
Deep deep down in my heart, even as a choreographer that will one day own and rule the world – this does not come from a place of jealousy. Choreographing for artists primarily is not where my heart lies. What i can tell you is that i’m not inspired. I look at what is done now a days, and the last time I remember i was truly touched and inspired was with Pink’s aerial performance for an award show i can’t remember the name of . I just knew that a. she sang LIVE b. she couldn’t fake learning silks and it is a TRUE talent and very hard thing to learn and c. it was a one of the kind, simple, beautiful performance.
I remember being 13 and watching Janet Jackson. I remember saying with my perm, mc hammer pants and uni-brow – THAT is exactly what i want to do. THAT is where i want to be – on stage with an artist that is truly inspiring. When is the last time i said that? I honestly can’t remember – and no – that is not because i’m getting old. What are 13 year olds saying now a days in their Uggs and jeggings? “Man i can’t wait to dance like a ho and freestyle among all those cool looking LED screens while the artist lip syncs and dresses like a piece of stereo equipment!”
I just can’t stand the shit music that is out these days. It’s dull and i just don’t have the strength to watch it because i know that it will be NOTHING compared to the likes of this video:
PS - do you see one rhinestone / one sexy robot onesy with silver platform heels? I didn’t think so.
Remember your ROOTS people.
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As most people i’m sure, i just LOVE LOVE LOVE the holiday. Time to put some booze in the eggnog, spend too much money, and what else – over eat. But one thing that this girl thinks about in the upcoming hoilday season? How can i transform the holidays into a sexy little costume? My office is an explosion of candy cane bras (which I still can’t really figure out) red and green fringe, sequins, beads, trims. It’s a disaster area. My fingers are cramped from the hum of the sewing machine and i must say, i’m pretty proud of the result. I give costumers and seamstresses a huge shout out – this shit is HARD! Seriously! But it is worth it – to see the girls on stage in these magnificently sexy borderline – “are they really wearing that” costumes – AND – to box these bad boys up and ship them across the country. It feels SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. Being posted on our store page soon, but you can check it out now at: www.etsy.com/shop/TheLalasBurlesque
The Lalas, at Skinny\'s in NohoThe Lalas on FOX LA – Good Day LA
Not a damn bad week last week – if i do say so myself. A few hiccups but come on, nothing is perfect! It started full of rehearsals and yummy studio goodness. THEN, on thursday Lalas Saraanne, Clarissa, and Camille were on FOX LA’s show Good Day LA! we rocked it out.
THEN, we performed for the first time – fully over the hill – into North Hollywood at SKinny’s! I loved this venue. The crowd was so handsome, people were boozing, we had a birthday boy on stage, did some tequila, had some new acts, and DEFINITELY had some costumes. I am so f-in exhausted even before the show starts, sometimes i think to myself how am I going to make it. I uttered the phrase “why do i work so damn hard” a few times last week. Not because I feel unappreciated, not because of The Lalas itself. I just want to catapult full force into fame and love and a shitload of money – for my girls. The Lalas are a sisterhood to me, bitches i never knew until 2 years ago, have such a large impact on my life now. I want to make them rich dancers. I want to get them paid what they deserve. I know that persistence is key, but sometimes it is just so damn exhausting. Either way, the show went without a hitch and i was left like any good choreographer feels – with the chills – and fired up for the next gig.
I’m so grateful and every stitch, every glue gun burn, every damn trip down to the fashion district stuck on the 110 is worth it. Because i looked out into the crowd last friday on 11.11.11 and i saw a bunch of dressed up bitching cool looking people all having cocktails and whistling, and hooting and hollering at my girls to take it off. I have the coolest job in the world, and i couldn’t be prouder of the show taht took place last weekend. ON to the next one!
In case you missed the show, here is our trailor . Be sure to follow The Lalas around LA on FB: facebook.com/thelalasburlesque – and twitter @lalasburlesque
I love you Clarissa, Saraanne, TK, Melissa and Camille! Thank you for your time last week and for having such nice boobs and asses, because my costumes looked SPECTACULAR on you
Man oh man. I sound like an old curmudgeon of a woman when I say this. But what happened to – if you do something – really do it well? What the hell am i talking about specifically? Kim Kardashian. Reality television. I knew the marriage wouldn’t last more than a year, but it really grinded my gears to hear they were getting a divorce. Seriously guys. All for ratings? all for publicity? Maybe get book deal and a show on Lifetime or Hallmark Channel? The whole thing is bullshit.
I then turn it on myself. Do i like money? – I love money. Do i want a strand house in Manhattan Beach, and international burlesque brand, and wealth to spread and share with my family and friends and have my Lalas be full time wealthy working dancers? Hell yes. But the difference between the now Ms. Kardashian and myself?
I have perseverance. I didn’t have to make a sex tape to create a name and brand for myself, and my narrow white ass doesn’t even come close to measuring up. However, the biggest difference of all: I give a shit. When i do something – i do it fucking well. ( get used to this mouth of a sailor thing – when i get mad my Midwest aaaaaccccent kicks in and the curse words really flow. )
I guess the bottom line on my ranty little shpiel is that – deep down i want the reality show. I want The Lalas to have the fame. And I want a reality show with integrity…..that actually reflects real life (GASP! I said it!). Yes, you guessed it. Real life. Reality TV is bullshit with the SYTYCD and the shows that portray “OHHH be a dancer, it’s so glamorous, and you get to be on TV, and have a lot of twitter followers – it will be grand!” Being a choreographer/dancer/producer/costume maker – whatever the hell i am – it is a struggle. it is WORK. It is a constant uphill battle, and what seems impossible at the beginning – doesn’t seem so impossible when it is all done. I really want the world to see MY group, MY Lalas, MY struggles, how it all comes together with creativity, lots of love, and even more hard work.
If all i had to do to be the brand name of Kim Kardashian was lift my legs and press play on the video camera, would i do it? Nah. That would be too easy. Plus – if you know a professional dancer, you know that we are way to critical when we see ourselves on tape. lol. After all, i didn’t become what I am today by my good looks and suave sense of humor. This shit is hard! I just want people to be accountable. I want people to really excel and be good at what they do. I want people to challenge themselves – not for the ratings, not for the wedding sponsorships and perfume deals – but to take responsibility and really own their work. Lord knows I do, and i will keep on keeping on for as long as it takes to cross off all the things on my work and life bucket list. I want this. I go to bed wanting it – and i know that when i look back, all my work will have integrity, and be something that I’m very very proud of. Can Ms. Kimmy say that? Really – who gives a shit.
e
TweetOk. It’s proud dancer mama bragging time. If i could wear buttons safety pinned to my jean jacket everyday of these girls, i sure would.
ERIKA – still on the world tour with Ricky Martin(South America)
ASHLEY - still on the wolrd tour with Katy Perry (last i checked in London, and Paris)
KELLEY – Kelley was just seen on an episode of TOSH.O
MELISSA - Melissa just worked her 3rd episode of Glee – and was in the season premiere! She was also in the Tosh.O episode with Kelley, and danced on Americas Got Talent
CAMILLE – rockign it out at Universal Studios at Halloween Horror Nights!
DONNA - Just booked a Discover Card Commercial, and was on CSI:NY with myself an Lala Saraanne!
REYNA – is working as a model on a new SyFy series
TONYA KAY – Get linked up, check these out!
- cut all my dread locks off!!! http://youtu.be/DfcOg66wrzw
- produced and broadcast 6 episodes of The Eco Tourist web series: http://www.youtube.com/user/grapespacecoaster#grid/user/724514E7C5A44C60
- hosted “Music and Poetry” television series on Supreme Master TV
- hosted “Recipes for Athletic Excellence” television series on Supreme Master TV: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6FE85AC38488509A
- profiled on “Vegetaran Elite” on Supreme Master TV
- stunt coordinator on feature film Within The Darkness
- shot lead in feature film Within The Darkness: http://www.facebook.com/WithinTheDarkness
- shot lead in feature film Midday Games
- played a lead in A League of Their Pwn web series: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFD6483662EDC9AF9
Told you The Lalas were bitchin.
xo
E
TweetI mean, when you think about it – in the eyes of a man – my job rules. I get to stare and be amongst hot women. I always am in awe of my Lalas – at just how damn pretty they are! Trust me, my husband loves my job as well.
But seriously, it doesn’t come off as a big surprise when i see Lala Saraanne and Donna on CSI:NY and am like – WHOA. They are SMOKING HOT! They look so good! What is rare to me, is seeing myself and being – “wow, i ain’t so bad either.” – It was such an amazing experience shooting this project. The crew, the director, absolute PROS. I had an amazing time validating to myself that yes, i can still dance, and even more – YES – i love to be in front of the camera still. Although, i do prefer no makeup sweatpants and a pencil in my hair scribbling notes as to how to make choreography look better.
Either way, this was an experience I won’t forget – and YAY for Lala domination on this shoot!
Saraanne is the redhead “Mercedes” dancing at the top of the shot
Good ole me – is “Crystal” the main act.
e
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3OdbYavhgw
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